Bananacalypse – A Pointless Short Story About Panicking and Impending Doom

“-on Main Street, to celebrate the predicted destruction of Earth tomorrow. The celebration will last until three in the morning, when scientists predict the asteroid known as-”

Lanna opened her door, shutting off the radio in her car, and stepped out in the parking lot of the grocery store. It was crowded today – everyone buying their favorite treats before the world ended in the morning – but it wasn’t like Lanna could put off her compulsiveness until later. It was now or never.

Doing her best to avoid the sloppy drivers circling the parking lot, Lanna made her way to the door of the grocery store. She shouldered her way through the crowds heading towards the sweets and alcohol and into the produce sections.

As quickly as possible, Lanna loaded her cart and made her way to the checkout. It occurred to her she should just leave, but even though the grocery store would be destroyed tomorrow, she couldn’t bring herself to steal. So she waited for the one open register behind the other two or three shoppers who had decided to pay. Out of boredom, she eyed the contents of the cart in front of her.

“Are you really going to eat all that before the morning?” Lanna asked the stranger.

The stranger shrugged and looked at her cart. “Are you?”

“Personally, I think the whole thing is a bit ridiculous,” one of the members of the family currently checking out supplied. “If we weren’t out of milk, we wouldn’t even be here.”

The cashier handed the family their receipt, and moved on to the next customer.

“I agree,” the cashier admitted. “I mean, this isn’t the first doomsday prediction we’ve endured. But everyone is treating me as crazy for bothering to show up at work on my ‘last day’.”

“I think you are,” Lanna said. “But then again, I’m still paying for all this, aren’t I?”

The customer snorted. “I can’t be mean to video game characters. End of the world or not, I definitely can’t bring myself to steal.”

As the cashier finished ringing up the last box of Oreos, Lanna put her items on the belt and reached into her pocket for her phone. A piece of paper tumbled out, landing on her feet.

“Oh, my bucket list,” Lanna said, reaching down to the piece of paper. Everything was checked off but one thing: buy as many bananas as possible.

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Lanna woke up the next morning to someone knocking on the door.

Grabbing a jacket to cover her nightdress and slipping on a pair of slippers, Lanna made her way down the stairs to her front door, where her best friend was eagerly waiting.

“Charlie, it’s three in the morning,” Lanna mumbled. “What are you doing up.”

“It’s been five whole minutes since we were supposed to die,” Charlie replied. “Why are we. still alive?”

“Oh, that’s today isn’t it?” Lanna replied. “I was planning on staying up, I guess I fell asleep-”

“Lanna,” Charlie said. “We didn’t die. I confessed to my crush because we were supposed to die, what am I supposed to do now?”

“Why not go on a date with him?” Lanna suggested. “Or maybe just give the asteroid a little patience.”

“It’s already on the radio that the scientists were wrong,” Charlie replied. “Oh no, what am I going to do?”

Lanna sighed, about to lecture Charlie on her overreaction, when her eye caught something yellow in the kitchen.

“I think we have a bigger problem,” Lanna muttered. “I have absolutely nothing to do with these bananas.”

“Bananas?” Charlie asked. “Lanna, did you go out and compulsively buy a bunch of bananas?”

“I did,” Lanna replied. “Charlotte, what am I supposed to do? I can’t eat all of these bananas.”

“Not with that attitude, you can’t,” Charlie said. “Let’s invite some friends over, and throw a banana-slash-yay-we-survived party, okay? But, you know, minus Vic, cause I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look him in the eye again.”

Lanna chuckled. “Alright, then. Banana party it is.”

Lanna and Charlie called everyone they knew, and four good friends came over for five hours to help eat the bananas.

“I’m never having another banana again,” Lanna decided, tying up a bag of banana peels.

“Oh no!” Someone in the living room exclaimed. “I just realized I have to go to work today!”

“It’s Saturday, Caty,” Charlie’s older brother Ryan replied. “We don’t work on Saturdays.”

“Oh,” Caty said. “That’s good.”

“So that’s about half of the bananas,” Lanna summarized. “Now what?”

“Now, we go randomly handing out bananas on the street,” Ryan suggested.

“Teams of two?” Caty asked.

“Sounds like a plan.”

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“Free bananas!” Charlie yelled as she and Lanna walked Main Street. “Come get your free bananas!”

“Wow, I’ve never seen so much litter in my life,” Lanna noted. “The celebration must have been insane.”

Charlie tapped Lanna on the shoulder. “They look like a cleaning group. Let’s go see if they want some bananas.”

Charlie and Lanna approached the group of about twenty volunteers – Lanna thought she recognized them from one of the local churches.

“Hello,” Lanna greeted. “Would you guys like some bananas?” She and Charlie held up the eight bags of bananas they had.

The oldest woman raised an eyebrow. “Where’d you get all those bananas?”

Lanna blushed. “I, uh, indulged in a bit of compulsiveness last night.”

“You and everyone else,” another woman replied, gesturing to all the litter. “I personally never believe the doomsday warnings.”

The older woman smiled. “I think we could use a lunch break. Why don’t you two sit down?”